I'm saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I'll leave myself behind
And follow You
I'll walk the narrow road
'Cause it leads me to You
I'll fall but grace
Will pick me up again
I've counted up the cost
Oh, I've counted up the cost
Yes, I've counted up the cost
And You are worth it
And no to my desires
I'll leave myself behind
And follow You
I'll walk the narrow road
'Cause it leads me to You
I'll fall but grace
Will pick me up again
I've counted up the cost
Oh, I've counted up the cost
Yes, I've counted up the cost
And You are worth it
This song basically sums up today for me. I think there is a cost that comes with serving Jesus. I think there is a cost in being a missionary. I think there is a cost to living in South Africa. Sometimes times I don't notice. Sometimes there are things that I think about briefly and wont think about it for a couple more months. Then there are moments like this week where I deeply consider moving back to America. Is Jesus really worth it?
Yes, I've counted up the cost
And He is worth it
And He is worth it
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
On Thursday I got a call from home that my Mom’s Drs have decided Not to go through with the last treatment. My mom’s kidney is already shutting down and they think the risks don’t outweigh the possibility that the drug will work. They will taper off her anti-rejection meds this week and let the kidney fail. She is not eligible for another transplant... My mom will have a new Dialysis port put in and mom my will go back on dialysis three times a week probably for the rest of her life.
I cried most of Thursday
Sat pretty numb on Friday
and now today feeling a bit hopeless
Whitney's Personal Thoughts:
For 15 years we have been fighting, looking towards a hope, and always had something that would be next. And now I just feel like there is nothing will make this better. I feel discouraged, defeated, and disappointment. Please don't get me wrong, my mom has 10+ years on dialysis, and I am very thankful for modern medicine, but its going to be really hard on her and my family.
Right now my current mood is I'm bit angry. If i had it my way I would be on a plane to California right now. But I believe that God is much bigger than my feelings and what I want. (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on my own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight Prov 3:5-6)
In order to go home, I would have to pull out of my internship with IA (Impact Africa) and there is no way I could do both, go home and the internship. I feel like God has asked me to be apart of IA but I also want to go home. My biggest fear always, is to be out of God will. So after many conversations with the Lord..
Ive been asked to stay here
Its a Cost.
Am I happy about this. No. Will I do it. Yes. Will I have a better attitude about it in a couple days. Hopefully.
Ill be heading back to the states in October for a couple weeks. Not too far away. : )
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be know to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely. whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice in the Lord greatly that now at length you have received your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4: 4-13
I rejoice in the Lord greatly that now at length you have received your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4: 4-13
God loves my mom. God loves my family. and God loves Me. and Repeat
